I was busy. Or short tempered. Or she was whiny & nasty. Or her sisters were getting on both our nerves. Really is was all of the above, but that doesn't excuse my behavior. I’m the adult. I am the mom. I am her safe spot in this world. I am thinking about all of this as I look at my sleeping pre-teen child curled up next to me in my bed. Oh my, sometimes she is so nasty. But she has a big beautiful heart and I have to remember that she is so overwhelmed at times. Just as I am so I will give myself a little bit of grace, but just a little bit because I know better & I need to do better. What it must be like to be an 11 year old girl in a house of 11 year old girls. Of course it seems so easy to me. She's a kid. What is there to worry about? You know what? i don't think i've ever really sat her down & asked her. Of course i have asked her plenty of times about what was bothering her, but have i ever really asked about things that couldn't be fixed that minute? That is my goal for tomorrow - to talk to lily alone for just a few minutes. To listen to her thoughts without dismissing them as trivial. To understand that she has been on this earth 4211 days & is constantly being faced with new emotions & new situation. Very little really seems to rattle this kid but i need to make sure its not because of me.
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