their your kids, now take care of them!

I'm going to be brutally honest (& probably get myself into trouble) but here goes.  They are your kids.  You need to learn how to take care of them BY YOURSELF!  Sure, it's often easier to have someone else with you to lend a hand.  And every once in a while it is crucial.  But you have to be able to handle your own kids.  You have to be able to live your life with your kids, not in spite of them.  They are not a disability, they are an advantage.  I once heard a women who was pregnant with triplets ask a mother or triplets who were about a year old, how you go out alone with all 3.  The mothers answer "you don't".  I cringed when i heard that.  My girls were about the same age as that mother's & i took them everywhere with me.  I'm not superwomen, I'm just a mom.  I'm a damn good mom, but still, just a mom, with 2 eyes & 2 hands.  If i can do it, so can you.  I guess i do have one secret weapon. But since I'm willing too share it with anyone who will listen, i guess it's not much of a secret.  Here it is, pay close attention.  Confidence.  Unlike that mom, who told the mother to be that it couldn't be done, i was lucky enough in my pregnancy (& before) to be surrounded by strong, confidante women.  Women who told me that i could take care of my babies & told me they would show me how - & they did.  I learned from the best moms around.  Mom's who embraced their children & held them with pride & i thank them.  I thank them for lifting me up, when it would have been so easy to fall.  & i hope that i can continue to pass on that confidence.

at what age do kids stop needing a stroller?

On some parenting decisions, i totally don't judge.  on this one i do.  i took my kids to a theme park today.  At just over 4 1/2, i think they are way to old to be in a stroller.  I'm pretty sure they think so to.  But as always, i noticed many children who appeared to be much older then my own, ridding in strollers.  They were folded in, legs bent at an awkward angle to try & keep from hitting the ground. Isn't at least part of the goal of taking your kids to a place like this, that they tire themselves out?  How do they do that when they are being taxied from one amusement to the next? Of course it should go with out saying, I'm not talking about children with any kind of disabilities.  I got to observe many of these children as there parents pushed them until they got where they were going. At the point, the children simply jumped out of their chariots.  Really??  I can't be the only one who thinks this is nuts!!

what do you do with all the happy wedding pictures when you are no longer happy?

want to know what i feel most guilty about?  it's not the pictures so much.  i could take or leave those.  What i feel most bad about it a beautiful framed needle point that a wonderful friend hand made as a wedding gift.  it is the entire Corinthians, with our names & wedding date.  it's gorgeous.  & now i have no use for it.   I feel bad because i know it took him weeks & weeks to make.  But back to the pictures.  what do you do with them?  i hate to just get rid of them, because someday my kids may want them.  i don't really want to look at them because although i am not altogether sad about the break up of my marriage, looking at the happy people in the pictures does make me a little sad.  The problem i guess, is that they pop up all over.  I would be celebrating my 8th anniversary next month - i guess technically since i'm still married it's still my anniversary, but we are definitely not celebrating.  but because it was not that long ago, pictures still pop up.  on my phone, on facebook, on my laptop.  i need to purge them.  print them or save them too a flash drive & put them in some corner of my house.  i'll work on that soon.
If you are divorced or separated, what did you do with the pictures?

are you a pinterist mom?

if you are, i admire you.  I want to be you (or at least be your friend, so you can make things for me).  i dabble in pinterest, i pin things i will never make to pages i will never look at again.  It's amazing, how many ideas are out there.  It's amazing, how many people have such creativity.  I tell myself that they have much more free time then i do (the same thing i like to think about people who exercise regularly).  but real people pinterest (& exercise regularly), but i am not one of them.  The only things on my pinterest boards that i have actually made are a small hand full or recipes.  & i have learned that if i didn't make in in the next couple of days, if i just pinned it to my board & forgot about it, it would remain forgotten.  Yet i read every email i get that tells me what everyone else is pinning, so just i can look at things I'll never use.  They say facebook depresses people because our friends status about good things happening to them make us feel bad about ourselves.  Nope, i think it's pinterist that makes us feel bad about ourselves. 

can we teach our children to be happy?

I think you can.  I think that happiness is a choice we make everyday & our kids can learn that from us.  Of course there are plenty of things to be unhappy about & choosing happiness doesn't mean that rainbows follow you around & the clouds part when you arrive.  It just means that you are doing your best to see the good & often to make something of a bad situation.  Positive energy attracts positive energy.  Sure, i could sit & wallow is the mess my life has currently become (& there are moments that i do), but wallowing doesn't improve anything.  I have amazing kids.  I'm not sure I've ever thought of 4 year olds as cool before, but these kids are the absolute coolest.  I have best friends.  not just 1, but several, who would never let me fall to far.  I also have a vision of what my life should be.  Being able to see it, definitely helps.  I think the biggest reason my life fell apart is because it wasn't the life i was meant to live.

Everyday i get up & move forward. By example, i hope to teach that skill to my children.  I want them to become strong women, who are able move through their lives with a positive outlook.  I don't wish for their lives to be easy.  I wish for them to be resilient enough to adapt to & improve what ever situation they find themselves in.  I wish for them to be women that others look up to.  To be women with the strength to pull others up - A skill i think a lot of people lack. Many people use the weakness of others to make themselves appear stronger.  It's an illusion that will eventually fade. 

To choose happiness in the face of adversity isn't naive, it's brave, & that is a life lesson i want my daughters to learn from me. 

i'm going to admit something terrable

i don't take my kids to the doctors.  they are 4 1/2 & haven't been to the dr since they had there 3 year old check up.  part of the reason is that we didn't have insurance for several months.  Part of it is that my kids don't get sick (knocking on wood of course) & part of it is that we are not vaccinating.  that's the real secret.  the really terrible thing i have to admit.  My kids haven't had a vaccine in almost 2 years, because, although they had them early on, i have done more research since then & just decided to hold off for a while.  maybe we will go back to it, maybe not.  The real kicker was that my state (or is it the whole country) requires that any child under the magic age of 60 months, get a flu shot if they are enrolled in school.  I have healthy children, & don't believe they need a flu shot.  I've never had one.   i just don't think it's necessary (this is not medical advice, only my opinion).  So when my children's preschool insisted, i officially filed a religious exemption.  it was easy.

here's what the bible says about vaccines:
The body of a Christian is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1Co 3:16; 1Co 3:17; 1Co 6:19; 2Co 6:16; Eph 2:21). As such, the believer is to purify himself from everything that contaminates both body and spirit (2 Co 7:1).

Vaccines may contain various ingredients that contaminate the body, including aluminum hydroxide, aluminum phosphate, ammonium sulfate, formaldehyde, various toxoids and antibiotics, as well as heavy metals like mercury contained in thimerosal, which is used as a preservative.   Mercury is a highly toxic element, second only to radioactive plutonium. When it is combined with other ingredients, specifically aluminum and formaldehyde, the synergistic effects increase 10,000-fold.  Scientific studies have connected thimerosal with autism.  To inject known neurotoxins into our children, which have known health risks, would be a violation of these biblical teachings.

whether you have that particular faith or not, this is the principal that works for a religious exemption in NJ.  

So that is my guilty confession.  Of course, i really don't know if i am doing the right thing.  Like all parents, i am just trying to do my best & doubting myself along the way.

Newsflash: Newborns wake up at all hours!

Why do moms of newborn babies think they should get to sleep?  I know this is going to sound rude, but it drives me crazy when the mom (or dad) of a 2 week old is complaining that their baby doesn't  sleep.  Hello??  Didn't anyone ever tell you that was going to happen?  babies under 4 months rarely sleep thru the night (or day).  I understand being tired.  I even understand having a breakdown because you are so tired that you can not function.  what i don't understand is thinking that it shouldn't be that way.  This is parenthood.  It starts out with very little sleep, but if your lucky, the lack of sleep won't last forever.  You can want sleep & need sleep, but don't expect sleep.  So by all means, complain to your friends about being tired.  Complain about how you put your sweat pants on backwards (or was that just me).  But don't complain that it is the baby's fault. This is what they are programmed to do & it's the mom equivalent to parenting boot-camp.  It is a trial by fire, but it's the only way.  You will get through it & you will have the battle stories to tell.  Use it later to make your child feel guilty.  When he's 15, go in & wake him up at 6 am on a Saturday & let him know that it's payback.  You & i know it's not really his fault, but we'll just keep that between us.

romanticizing pregnancy & wanting more

I know in my head that i hated being pregnant.  the stress, the hormones, the physically ill feeling. but 4 years later, I'll still tell you i miss it.  The baby bump, the special treatment, the ability to eat anything i want - OK, that may be the part i really miss.  But i also miss babies.  I remember how sweet they were when they slept in your arms, i remember hod happy just jiggling something in front of them would make them.  Then i remind myself about breastfeeding & pumping & the uncountable number of diapers i changed & the months without sleep.  I can't even imagine how i functioned, but i must have, because here i am.  with 3 beautiful 4 year olds.  Somehow, they & i made it threw those first few months & i have the log books to prove it.  I guess that's a multiples thing.  i don't think moms of singletons (it's also a multiples thing to use the work Singleton) keep a log of ever diaper change & feeding.  Still, i would love to have more babies.  my body is done, my wallet is empty, but my heart has a small hole.  I've heard people say that they just knew when their families were complete.  Somehow i just know that mine is not.  I'm a 40 year old(41 next week), soon to be divorced, single mother of 4 year old triplets.  Yet i know there were meant to be more.  Unfortunately, those MORE, will not come from me.  But someday, i would love to adopt.  I would love to have another child or 2 as my own, to complete our crazy family.  A set of twins would be wonderful.  Someday.  I while i won't have the stories of how they were in my belly to tell them, i will have the stories of how they were in my heart.